The call comes.

“I hate it here.”

“I don’t have any friends.”

“I picked the wrong school.”

“I want to come home.”

For a parent, those words can be heartbreaking—especially when you just spent months helping your student prepare for college.

Your first instinct may be to fix it.

Should you drive there? Tell them to transfer? Call the school? Encourage them to come home?

Usually, not yet.

The first few weeks of college can be an emotional roller coaster. Homesickness, loneliness, roommate issues and academic stress can make a student who was excited about college suddenly believe they made a terrible mistake.

Here’s what parents can do when their freshman says, “I hate it here.”

1. Listen Before You Try to Fix It

This may be the most important thing you do.

Instead of immediately saying:

“You just need to give it time.”

“You wanted to go there.”

“You’ll make friends.”

Try:

“Tell me what’s making you feel that way.”

Then listen.

Sometimes your student isn’t asking you to solve anything. They simply need a safe person to tell how hard things feel.

2. Figure Out What “I Hate It Here” Actually Means

Those four words can mean a lot of different things.

Maybe they hate their roommate.

Maybe they haven’t found friends.

Maybe classes feel overwhelming.

Maybe they miss home.

Maybe they aren’t sleeping.

Maybe they’re sitting alone in their dorm room watching everyone else appear to have the time of their lives on social media.

Ask gentle, specific questions.

“What has been the hardest part?”

“Is there anything you do like?”

“When do you feel the worst?”

The goal isn’t to interrogate them. It’s to understand what’s really happening.

3. Don’t Immediately Offer the Escape Hatch

When your child is miserable, saying “You can always come home” feels loving.

But be careful.

If transferring or leaving college becomes the immediate solution to a difficult first week, your student may stop looking for ways to make the situation better.

Instead, try:

“You don’t have to decide your entire future tonight. Let’s figure out what could make tomorrow a little better.”

There will be time to discuss transferring if the school truly isn’t the right fit.

A bad week doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the wrong college.

4. Help Them Make a 7-Day Plan

Don’t try to solve the entire semester.

Focus on the next week.

Encourage your student to choose a few manageable actions:

• Eat one meal somewhere other than their dorm room.
• Attend one club meeting or campus event.
• Ask someone from class to grab coffee or study together.
• Go to the gym or take a walk around campus.
• Visit a professor during office hours.
• Talk to their RA.
• Attend tutoring if they’re struggling academically.
• Spend some time outside their room every day.

Small actions create opportunities for things to change.

5. Encourage Them to Get Out of Their Room

When students are unhappy, isolating themselves can feel easier.

Unfortunately, isolation can make everything feel worse.

You don’t need to tell your student to “go make friends.”

Instead, encourage proximity to people.

Study in the library instead of the dorm.

Eat in the dining hall.

Sit in a common area.

Go to the recreation center.

Attend something—even if they go alone.

They don’t need to find their best friends this week.

They just need to keep putting themselves in places where connections can happen.

6. Remind Them That Social Media Isn’t Reality

This matters more than parents sometimes realize.

Your student may be lying alone in bed while scrolling through pictures of classmates at parties, football games and dinners.

It can look like everyone else has already found their group.

They haven’t.

Some of the students posting the happiest pictures may be struggling too.

The first few weeks of college can be lonely even when social media makes them look perfect.

7. Don’t Call the School for Them—Unless It’s a Safety Issue

If your student has a roommate problem, encourage them to talk to their RA.

If they’re struggling academically, encourage them to contact their professor, advisor or tutoring center.

If they need counseling, help them figure out how to make an appointment—but whenever possible, let them make the call.

College is one of the first opportunities students have to learn how to advocate for themselves.

You can coach from the sidelines without taking over.

8. Know When “Give It Time” Isn’t Enough

Not every difficult college experience is ordinary homesickness.

Take it seriously if your student tells you they feel unsafe, are being threatened or harassed, cannot function day-to-day, or are showing other signs that their well-being or safety may be at risk.

That’s different from:

“I haven’t made friends yet.”

“My roommate annoys me.”

“I miss home.”

“I don’t like my classes.”

When something feels bigger than normal adjustment struggles, help your student connect with the appropriate campus resources and get additional support.

9. Set a Date to Reevaluate

If your freshman is convinced they chose the wrong school, you don’t have to settle the question during one emotional phone call.

Try saying:

“Let’s give this some time and talk about it again in two weeks.”

During that time, encourage them to participate in campus life and use available resources.

Then reassess.

If they’re still deeply unhappy after making a genuine effort, transferring can be discussed thoughtfully rather than as a reaction to one terrible night.

10. Remember: You May Be Getting the Worst 20 Minutes of Their Day

This is one of the hardest things for parents to remember.

Your student may call you crying at 9:00 p.m.

You spend the entire night worrying.

Meanwhile, the next morning they go to class, meet someone for lunch, laugh with their roommate and feel completely different.

Parents are often the safe place where students unload everything they’re holding in.

That’s a good thing.

Just don’t assume that one emotional phone call represents their entire college experience.

What Should You Say?

When you hear “I hate it here,” you don’t need the perfect answer.

Try this:

“I’m really sorry you’re having such a hard time. Tell me what’s been going on. We don’t have to figure out the whole semester tonight. Let’s think about a few things you can do this week, and we’ll talk again soon. I love you, and I believe you can handle this.”

Sometimes that’s exactly what they need.

The Bottom Line

Your job has changed.

For years, when your child had a problem, you stepped in and helped solve it.

College requires something different.

Listen. Ask questions. Encourage action. Stay available. But resist taking over.

And remember that a freshman saying “I hate it here” in August or September doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll still feel that way in October.

Sometimes the student who wants to come home during week two becomes the student who doesn’t want to leave campus by Thanksgiving.

Give them support.

Give them tools.

And, when it’s appropriate, give them a little time.