When you first got to college, making friends probably felt urgent.

You needed someone to eat with.

Someone to walk to events with.

Someone to text on Friday night.

Someone to sit with at the dining hall so you didn’t look like you were sitting alone.

So you made friends—FAST.

Maybe it was your roommate. The people across the hall. Someone you met during orientation. The group you happened to go out with your first weekend.

And for the first few weeks, you may have thought:

“Okay. These are my college friends.”

But now you’re a month or two into freshman year, and something feels different.

Maybe you’re realizing you don’t actually have that much in common with them.

Maybe two people in the group have gotten really close and you’re starting to feel left out.

Maybe you don’t want to party as much as they do.

Maybe you’ve started clicking with people from your classes or clubs instead.

Or maybe you’re looking around thinking:

“Wait…did I choose the wrong friends?”

You didn’t.

You’re probably experiencing something almost every freshman goes through:

The Freshman Friendship Shuffle

Here’s something no one really tells you before college:

The first people you meet don’t have to become your best friends.

Some will.

But a lot won’t.

And that’s completely normal.

Your First College Friends Are Often Whoever Happens to Be There

Think about how you met your first college friends.

Did you carefully search through thousands of students and choose the people who were the perfect match for your personality?

Probably not.

You met the person across the hall.

Your roommate introduced you to someone.

You sat next to somebody at orientation.

Someone said, “We’re going to dinner—want to come?”

And because everyone was new and looking for friends, suddenly you had a group.

Those friendships were real. But many were based on proximity.

You were all in the same place at the same time trying to figure out college together.

Now that you’re settling in, you’re starting to figure out who you actually connect with.

That’s a good thing.

It’s Okay If Your Original Friend Group Doesn’t Feel Right Anymore

Maybe your group loves going out four nights a week and you’d rather go out once and actually remember what happened.

Maybe they spend a lot of time gossiping and you’re tired of it.

Maybe you constantly feel like you’re trying to impress them.

Maybe you have fun with them, but you don’t feel like you can really be yourself.

Or maybe nothing dramatic happened at all.

You simply don’t click the way you thought you would.

You don’t need a major fight or friendship breakup to decide you want to meet other people.

Sometimes people just aren’t your people.

The Hardest Part Is the In-Between

This is where freshman year can get uncomfortable.

You’ve started drifting away from your first group…

…but you haven’t found your next group yet.

And suddenly it looks like EVERYONE ELSE already has their best friends.

Your roommate has plans.

The people down the hall are going somewhere together.

Instagram is full of football games, parties and pictures of giant friend groups.

Meanwhile, you’re thinking:

“Did everyone find their best friends except me?”

No.

Social media is giving you a highlight reel—not the whole story.

That group of eight people smiling in a picture may look inseparable. Two of them may barely know each other. Someone may have felt left out all night. Half of them may not even be friends next semester.

Don’t compare what you’re feeling on the inside to what someone else’s college life looks like on Instagram.

Don’t Stay With the Wrong Friends Because You’re Afraid of Having No Friends

This is important.

Being temporarily without a solid group can feel scary.

But staying with people who make you feel bad about yourself just so you can say you have a group is worse.

Pay attention to how you feel around your friends.

Do you feel comfortable?

Can you be yourself?

Do they include you?

Do they respect your boundaries?

Can you say no without being pressured?

Are they happy for you when something good happens?

Do you leave feeling better—or worse—about yourself?

College isn’t about getting accepted into the coolest friend group.

It’s about finding people you actually like being around.

You Don’t Need to “Break Up” With Your First Friends

Finding new friends doesn’t mean you have to dramatically dump your old ones.

College friendships don’t have to be all or nothing.

Maybe your roommate becomes the person you grab breakfast with.

Someone from chemistry becomes your study friend.

Your gym friend becomes the person you go out with on weekends.

Someone you meet in a club eventually becomes the person you call when you’re having a terrible day.

Instead of thinking:

“I need a new friend group.”

Try thinking:

“I need to keep meeting people.”

There’s a big difference.

The Best Way to Make Better Friends? Go Where You’ll See the Same People Again

Real friendships usually aren’t created during one random conversation.

They’re built through repetition.

You see someone in class every Tuesday and Thursday.

Eventually you start talking before class.

Then you study together.

Then someone says, “Want to grab something to eat?”

That’s how a lot of college friendships happen.

So put yourself in places where you’ll repeatedly see the same people:

• Join a club you actually care about.
• Go to the same fitness class every week.
• Join an intramural team.
• Attend events for your major.
• Get involved with a campus ministry or religious organization.
• Volunteer.
• Get a campus job.
• Form a study group.
• Actually talk to the person who always sits next to you in class.

And here’s the important part:

Go back.

You might attend your first club meeting and barely talk to anyone.

Go again.

Friendship takes familiarity.

You May Have to Be the One Who Makes the First Move

This is uncomfortable—but important.

Don’t always wait for someone else to invite you.

Try:

“Are you going to lunch after class?”

“Want to study together before the exam?”

“A few of us are going to the game. Want to come?”

“Do you want to grab coffee?”

Yes, it can feel awkward.

Do it anyway.

Most freshmen are much more open to making new friends than you think.

And there’s a good chance the person you’re nervous about inviting is hoping someone invites them too.

Don’t Chase People Who Keep Showing You They’re Not Interested

There’s a difference between making an effort and constantly trying to convince people to include you.

If you’re always the one texting…

If you’re repeatedly finding out about plans afterward…

If people consistently exclude you…

If you’re constantly wondering whether they actually like you…

Pay attention.

You don’t need to become angry or create drama.

Just redirect your energy.

Spend more time with the people who make an effort to spend time with you.

Your College Friendships Aren’t Behind Schedule

Maybe your roommate met her best friend the first week.

Maybe someone from your hometown already has a huge group.

Maybe you still haven’t found the person you would call your best friend.

You’re not behind.

There is no deadline for finding your college people.

Some students meet their closest friends during orientation.

Others meet them second semester.

Some don’t meet their best college friends until sophomore or junior year.

The goal isn’t to lock down a friend group as quickly as possible.

The goal is to build friendships that actually feel good.

Keep Putting Yourself Out There

If your first college friendships are changing, don’t automatically assume freshman year is going badly.

You aren’t starting over.

You’re learning.

You’re figuring out what kind of people you want around you—and what kind of friend you want to be.

Some of the people you met during your first week of college may be standing next to you at graduation.

Others may simply be people who helped you through your first few weeks away from home.

Both kinds of friendships can matter.

So if your original group is starting to change, don’t panic.

Keep saying hello.

Keep joining things.

Keep accepting invitations.

Keep making invitations.

Keep meeting people.

Your first college friends don’t have to be your forever friends.

Sometimes the people who become your people are the ones you haven’t met yet.