It can feel like everyone drinks in college.

Everyone goes out Thursday night.

Everyone pre-games.

Everyone goes to the party.

Everyone seems to know what they’re doing.

And if you’re the person who doesn’t want to drink—or doesn’t want to drink as much—you might start wondering:

“Am I going to miss out if I don’t?”

Here’s something you need to know:

Not everyone is drinking. Not everyone wants to go out. And not everyone who looks comfortable with the college party scene actually is.

College gives you more freedom than you’ve probably ever had before. That freedom includes deciding whether you drink, how you socialize, where you go, and what you’re comfortable doing.

The challenge is learning how to make those decisions when everyone around you seems to be making a different one.

First: “Everyone Drinks” Isn’t Actually True

College drinking is visible.

You see the parties.

You hear people talking about what happened Saturday night.

You see pictures and videos on social media.

What you don’t see as easily are the students watching a movie in their dorm, studying at the library, playing video games, going to a late dinner, attending a campus event, or hanging out without alcohol.

That’s why it can seem like everyone is partying.

They’re not.

And even among students who do go out, drinking habits vary enormously.

Some drink.

Some don’t.

Some go to parties and don’t drink.

Some drink occasionally.

Some tried it and decided it wasn’t for them.

Some avoid alcohol for religious, health, athletic, family, personal, or legal reasons.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your choice.

You Don’t Have to Drink to Go Out

This is one of the biggest misconceptions freshmen have.

You don’t have to choose between:

Drink and have a social life

or

Don’t drink and sit alone in your dorm.

You can go to a party and not drink.

You can go dancing.

You can go to a football game.

You can meet friends at a restaurant.

You can go to a fraternity party and decide you don’t want what’s being served.

You can go out for an hour and leave.

You can change your mind once you get there.

You are allowed to participate in the social part without participating in the drinking part.

Decide Your Boundaries Before You Go Out

It’s much easier to make a decision in your dorm room at 7 p.m. than in the middle of a party at midnight.

Before you go out, decide what you’re comfortable with.

Maybe you don’t want to drink at all.

Maybe you’re of legal drinking age and choose to drink, but want to set limits for yourself.

Maybe you’re uncomfortable going somewhere you don’t know anyone.

Maybe you know you don’t want to stay out past a certain time.

Maybe you don’t want to get into a car with anyone who has been drinking.

Whatever your boundaries are, decide them before you’re surrounded by people telling you:

“Come on!”

“Just have one.”

“Everyone’s doing it.”

“Don’t be boring.”

Pressure is easier to handle when you’ve already made your decision.

Learn to Say No Without Making It a Big Deal

You don’t need a speech.

You don’t need an excuse.

You don’t need to explain your family history, medication, religion, athletic schedule, or personal beliefs.

Sometimes the easiest answer is simply:

“I’m good.”

“No thanks.”

“I’m not drinking tonight.”

“I’m sticking with this.”

Then move on.

The more confidently you say it, the less interesting it becomes.

And if someone repeatedly pressures you after you’ve said no?

That’s useful information about that person.

Good friends don’t require you to cross your boundaries to earn your place in the group.

Don’t Let FOMO Make Decisions for You

Fear of missing out is powerful during freshman year.

You may be exhausted.

You may have an exam Monday.

You may not even want to go out.

But then you hear everyone making plans and suddenly you’re changing clothes because:

“What if something happens and I’m not there?”

Here’s the truth about college:

There will be another party.

Another football game.

Another Thursday night.

Another dinner.

Another event.

Another chance to go out.

You do not need to attend everything to have a great college experience.

Sometimes the best decision you can make is:

“Have fun. I’m staying in tonight.”

Have a Plan Before You Leave

Whether you’re drinking or not, going out is safer when someone knows the plan.

Know:

• Who you’re going with
• Where you’re going
• How you’re getting there
• How you’re getting home
• Who you can call if you need help

Keep your phone charged.

Stay connected with your friends.

Don’t leave a friend who is impaired or vulnerable alone.

Don’t get into a car with someone who has been drinking or using drugs.

Don’t accept an open drink from someone you don’t trust, and don’t leave a drink unattended and return to it later.

And remember:

You can leave whenever you want.

You don’t need your friends’ permission.

Take Care of Your Friends—But Know When You Need Help

College students sometimes hesitate to get help because they’re afraid someone will get in trouble.

But if a friend is extremely intoxicated, unconscious, difficult to wake, vomiting repeatedly, having trouble breathing, having a seizure, confused, or turning pale or bluish, get emergency help immediately.

Don’t assume they can “sleep it off.”

Don’t leave them alone.

Don’t worry about whether they’ll be embarrassed tomorrow.

A friend’s safety matters more than avoiding trouble.

It’s also worth learning your college’s medical amnesty or Good Samaritan policy. Many schools have policies designed to encourage students to seek medical help during alcohol or drug emergencies.

Know yours before you ever need it.

Pay Attention When Drinking Stops Being “Just Social”

There’s a difference between occasionally going out and feeling like you have to drink to function socially.

Pay attention if you find yourself:

Drinking much more than you intended.

Blacking out or regularly forgetting parts of the night.

Missing class because of drinking.

Doing things while intoxicated that scare or embarrass you afterward.

Needing alcohol to feel comfortable around people.

Watching your grades, relationships, sleep, or mental health suffer.

Trying to cut back and finding that you can’t.

Those are signs that it’s time to talk with someone.

Your campus health center, counseling center, or another trusted adult can help.

Asking for help isn’t an admission that you’ve “failed at college.”

It’s taking care of yourself.

Find Friends Who Respect Your Choices

Your college friends will influence you.

That’s reality.

If everyone around you drinks heavily every weekend, heavy drinking can start to feel normal.

If your friends respect someone saying, “I’m done for tonight,” that becomes normal too.

Pay attention to the culture of your group.

Do your friends look out for one another?

Can someone decide not to drink without being mocked?

Can you leave early without getting criticized?

Does everyone respect a “no”?

Do people intervene when someone is clearly in trouble?

The right friends won’t require you to become someone you’re uncomfortable being.

You Get to Decide What Your College Experience Looks Like

There isn’t one correct way to “do college.”

You don’t have to party every weekend to have the full college experience.

You also don’t have to avoid every party because you’re afraid of alcohol.

You can go out.

You can stay in.

You can drink legally and responsibly when you’re of age.

You can choose not to drink at all.

You can change your mind.

You can leave.

You can say no.

And you can have an amazing college experience without making choices simply because everyone around you appears to be making them.

The goal isn’t to prove that you can keep up.

It’s to become confident enough to decide what’s right for you.

Because one of the biggest lessons you’ll learn in college has nothing to do with a classroom:

Freedom isn’t doing what everyone else is doing.

Freedom is learning how to make your own choices when no one else is making them for you.